Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
