Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
