he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
