Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
