it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
