Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
