Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so that wasnt chicken after all
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
