were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
home. puking in laundry basket.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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