Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
