my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
