He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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