hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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