i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
