Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
