you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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