I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
