You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
