Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
