R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What a dumb baby whore.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
