i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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