i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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