I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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