you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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