I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
