just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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