If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
