i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
