i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
