There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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