My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
