This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
