I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
