im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
