his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
