The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
