her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
