I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
