I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize