Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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