He disabled his match.com account in front of me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
