Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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