If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
