he thought i was a dude.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
