found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
