So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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