I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
