seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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