You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize