there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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