It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
