my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
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You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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