It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
