Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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