I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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