Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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