you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize