Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
