drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
