I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
