i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
